Unfiltered.

“There are many sorrows within this world, apart from love.” I write on a Sunday night, 2:45 am, during a pandemic and I feel every word of it. The worst part about it isn't that I am 21, single, unemployed, and broke but it's the fact that I am willing to give up on my hopes and my trust with regard to what else life has in store for me. Who knows, in a year or two I might have a job, boyfriend, and a huge bank balance, I'll be 23, and yet everything about this seems dream-like, but why not? What about the rest? Now, I can't really pinpoint or name the rest for a few reasons, but I promise there are a few.

The anatomy of things and life as a whole is wired weirdly. The correct way of doing things is usually longer, and it requires plenty of patience, but why? I mean isn't life supposed to be this amazing gift that one mustn't have second thoughts about and only be grateful for what it is?

Well at this point, at some times at least I do not want to be grateful round the clock, for things in my life. Often, the simple advice to people is to count their blessings and be grateful for the life they have, and it leads to feeling guilty that one is not being grateful. What is the point if one does not feel it within themselves? They shouldn't be asked to prioritize gratefulness over sadness, both belong to completely different categories.

This is not me openly ranting about how I am depressed, But for an n number of reasons in my life I should not, or nobody should rather feel the slightest of low feeling that their sadness cannot be as big as compared to somebody else's. Everybody has it differently, call it sadness, depression, or even anxiety. Depression is big and talking about it, without being compared to somebody else's should be normalized. In the past few years, I have seen a natural rise in awareness of mental health. People are finally aware and that is great.

It will take a cycle of generations to make it normal or normalize that each depressed person is different.

"It's like love. You do not know it until you feel it."

After the incidents related to Shaheen Bhat and Ira khan came to light about their battles against depression, people called them fake because they were "entitled" and that is wrong. People have it differently, it's above the lifestyles of luxury or poverty and completely on the path of living. You can't question anybody for the sake of it or look at it as a textbook answer. This is the whole thought behind psychiatrists, that they don't blame your feelings.

It is said that when King Arjuna, the eldest of Pandav, asked God Krishna “Lord, write me something on this wall which will make me happy when I am sad, and make me sad when I am happy?” Thus he wrote, “This time shall also pass”.

The universe is wired in a way, that time, power, dreams, and everything else work simultaneously. Everybody's version of truth and vulnerability is different.

Normalizing things has been the biggest flex of this generation in these difficult times. Well, It is okay to be sad after making the correct decision, it is okay to be sad about the facts you have healed from, and it's okay to not build a relationship with people who you have forgiven. You can be mad at someone and still miss them, I have missed my ex sometimes, and I still wish him on his birthdays, I bark at him at times but then I have people in my contacts who think that it means I have never moved on. I mean it is so not my motive to live up to what you think of me, hence I think it's better if we can hold back on the judgments and suggestions.

Speak only if it improves upon the silence. Coming from the very rude person that I am, I even have a say that if you say something harsh, and you recognize that it can't be taken back, but you know that you are not sorry for the same, then don't go back. Don't try to stick the broken glass with the tape that you call your "emotions", and expect to drink water from it and then complain that the water is leaking. I would suggest letting the glass be, letting it stick itself, and leaving it because if you choose to break it, sometimes it's better to be left broken.

My mother always says that I don't sustain good relations with people, especially my friends because, I leave them as soon as a little inconvenience occurs, maybe that is the case because I chose to stay broken by them or I chose to let them be broken. I found my way, I found some things that were easy for me to do, and I fought to conquer my own mountains.

Well to conclude this sentence, and to conclude it generally it is not really for the view of the top, but rather the joy of the climb. Well, thinking one can escape life could be a big problem, everybody is busy coloring life with their own colors of trouble, the cost of living becomes pain and with time, wounds become scars, leaving memories and lessons.

I do not feel comfortable being anybody's somebody at this point, which is comfortably numb. Someday, I will write poems about this, but right now I must survive. So in life, take out the trash from the lake before it freezes over. Don't forget the unkindness of people only hurts as long as you remember it. I am a mess, not even the cute acceptable kind of a mess but the vulnerable, broken, ugly mess.

Well, it is what it is, you are what you are, flowers need time to bloom, you can't make them talk, love is in the details, keep subscribing to new channels of life. It's risky enough, but what if they turn out worthy? A lot of miracles happen quietly, find your own peace of mind. Live and let live. "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.

Don't be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people's thinking." -Steve Jobs

Until Next time,

XOXO, Aarya.